First lines from The Moth StorySLAMs at which I’ve performed.

(NOTE: At these shows, if you sign up for a story, but aren’t (randomly) selected as one of the ten storytellers for the
evening, you go on stage at the end and tell the first line of your story. Occasionally, I will prepare two different first lines
depending on whether I deliver the entire story or only the first line. When applicable, I’ve included both versions below.)

“Until fairly recently, I was not the graceful, slender, willowy figure you see before you.”
– JANUARY 14, 2019, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: INTENTIONS

“My brother David and I grew up in south central Missouri, but it was an occurrence along a stretch of road in
Newport News, Virginia that provided one of the defining moments in our relationship.”
– DECEMBER 17, 2018, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: ROADS

“Five feet.”
(This story was about my colonoscopy, so use your imagination.)
– NOVEMBER 17, 2018, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: DISTANCE

“Since the time I was a teenager, I’ve had this ongoing rivalry with my own body.”
– SEPTEMBER 17, 2018, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: RIVALRY

“Although I feel I’m in a pretty good place right now, I’ve waged an ongoing battle with my weight for much of my life.”
– JUNE 18, 2018, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: TECHNOLOGY

“With the vast amount of time I spent in high school not having sex, I was able to really focus in on other endeavors,
and my senior year I won awards in chemistry, math, Latin, psychology, and, most notably, cross country.”
– APRIL 16, 2018, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: AWARDS

“In the summer of 2003, my wife Carol and I took on the home improvement project of replacing all of the main surface boards
on the deck attached to the back of our house.”
First-line-only version: “A momentary lapse in judgment, and you find yourself in your garage, weeping over a pile of cedar decking.”
– MARCH 27, 2018, LINCOLN HALL, CHICAGO. THEME: AFTERMATH

“There are three dining-related manners that my mom tried in vain to teach me: don’t talk with your mouth full, keep your elbows off
the table, and don’t loudly express unpopular political views at a crowded Chicago restaurant, even if you’re doing so ironically.”
– MARCH 19, 2018, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: MANNERS

“In 2013, shortly before making a trip to Evanston for our daughters’ dance recital, my parents adopted a stray dog, a beagle-terrier mix they named Nico.”
First-line-only version: Nico the dog was a guest in our home once and only once.
— JANUARY 23, 2018, LINCOLN HALL, CHICAGO, IL. THEME: GUESTS

“I stared at the subject line of the e-mail from my brother Mike, almost certain I wasn’t processing it correctly,
but still dreading what I might learn when I opened the full message”
— NOVEMBER 28, 2017, LINCOLN HALL, CHICAGO, IL. THEME: REVELATION

“It was a conspiratorial vow that was made that evening 31 years ago, a promise that arose in the wake of an unfortunate accident,
a solemn oath that involved dozens of people and yet served primarily to protect me.”
— NOVEMBER 20, 2017, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: PROMISES

“Due to an impressive lack of exercise, a blatant disregard for sensible eating habits, and generous sympathy-weight
gains during my wife’s two pregnancies, I spent much of my 30s in less than optimal physical condition.”
— OCTOBER 23, 2017, EVANSTON SPACE, EVANSTON, IL. THEME: COMPETITION